I got one of those awful phone calls yesterday. Remember a year ago when we lost our secondary insurance and because of that we lost nursing for several months? Yesterday Our nursing agency called to inform me that they had not yet received payment for the month of June last year. I wanted to scream, but I calmly asked, why is this the first time I am hearing about this? I didn't scream. In fact, I made the nice man on the other end of the phone laugh sympathetically. If only sympathy paid the bills.

So, I was irritable at dinnertime. My sweetheart daughter decided to make dinner, and hubby supervised. So, I was off the hook. Lily made chicken Macanicken (her recipe). She is the best six year old chef I know. It was really an impressive meal. I threw together some Strawberry shortcake, because it is still May after all. I checked the cake when the timer went off and decided it needed another two minutes. Lily and I had made hot lemon and strawberry syrup with fresh strawberries- the house smelled amazing. Two minutes later I went into the kitchen, but before I got the stove there was a very loud POP! I was not looking at the stove, but I thought I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. The oven and stove had turned off. Dear hubby, after making sure nothing was on fire, went to the shed to check the breaker. It had not flipped. The stove is the only thing on that breaker, so he flipped it off. We are all trying to stay calm. But Becca kept plodding into the kitchen, and I really wanted her out until we knew what had happened. Finally I asked her, "What is wrong?" "I need a potty change." Which is Becca code for, diaper time.

To her credit, she had stayed calm, and it was the kind of diaper that would set off a lesser toddler. I think I'll keep her.

"OK. I'll be in in a minute. Wait for me in the living room." And off she went, pitter-patter. Toddler scurrying is really cute. I turned back to Josh so we could make a plan regarding the stove, when, "THUMP!"

"Mom!! Sarah fell!"

Sarah had been sitting on the floor. When I came into the room, she was on her back with a growing bump on her forehead. I don't know. Physics are not universal. Ask any toddler anywhere.

So, I am comforting Sarah and peering intently into her eyes and checking for any neuro signs when Becca reminds me that she is in need of attention. So, I ask Josh to handle the mini and her mess when suddenly we realize, we are out of diapers. Not low. Not down to the last one. We are out.

(Poor Becca) So, as soon as we are reasonably sure there was not an imminent 911 call, he scooted out the door to go buy diapers.

It was *that* kind of a day.

Here is the thing. Since I was asked to participate on that panel, I had to go back and read some of my earlier blog posts. The four years since I started writing have felt like a blur, but I have changed. My perspective has changed. My tone has changed. Yesterday, I was wondering if I could reclaim my earlier optimism. I know more- can I still face it, trusting God?

I don't know. But I'm singing again.

"No storm can shake my inmost calm, while too that rock I'm clinging!
Since love is Lord of Heaven and Earth, how can I keep from singing?"