Thursday, April 21, 2016

What I need you to know

Better is not really better yet. I have been taking my medicine for about a week. I have had good days and bad days, which is the same as it ever was. Yesterday was a bad day. Mostly I am tired. I have to talk to the doctor about that. I heard that it was normal and it would pass and I hope that is true. 

Here is what I need you to know. 

1. Anxiety is not the same as fear. The problem is that my brain is sending fear signals all the time, even when nothing is wrong. When something actually is wrong, I go from high alert to overdrive. My body cannot handle it. 

2. I am getting better. I need you to know that I am getting better. I am getting treatment because I believe I can get better and I need you to believe it too. Treatable means bearable. Treatable is the lifeline. 

3. I am trying. Even when you can't tell. 

4. It is in my head, but please don't say "just." Just trivializes it. It is in my head. You know what else is in my head? All my thoughts. Everything starts there. The decision to put one foot in front of the other happens in my head. In my head means it affects everything. 

5.I am still me. The same me. I know you are having trouble seeing me and maybe you are afraid. I am. But I am still here. 

6. This diagnosis is not a new thing, it is just naming the old thing in a way which makes it treatable. This is progress. 

This is all still new and I have a lot to learn. And I am learning. 


  1. You're still amazing and I'm glad to know you!

  2. You're still amazing and I'm glad to know you!

  3. What Marie said twice, I say six times.

  4. I am sorry that you are going through this. I am new to your blog but want you to know that I used to have panic attacks and they are very treatable. Anxiety is one of the easier conditions to treat...praise God. I learned breathing techniques and self talk strategies in addition to the medication. It worked/ is working for over 20 years. May God's peace be with you.

    1. And also with you! Thank you, Faustina! I hope you stick around. :) Anxiety is relatively new to me. The medicine is helping now. I have done breathing techniques before, but I don't know what self talk is. New ground for me. I am learning!

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